Couple practical questions by Dave Harvey in the book "When Sinners Say 'I Do:'"
- "Remind yourself that your greatest enemy is “the enemy within”—your own sin. We covered this in chapters two and three.
- When you’re not in a conflict, ask each other the question, “What behavior of mine expresses anger or a lack of love for you?” Take your spouse’s answer and attempt to do the opposite when you feel sinned against.
- Learn to love in the style of 1 Corinthians 13 by being “patient, kind, and not resentful.” Resist being a defense attorney in your mind. Fire the “prosecuting attorney” within—it’s nothing but an expression of the sin of arrogance.
- Memorize and apply this wise advice from James, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires” (James 1:19–20). Applying this one verse in the heat of conflict can have an amazing effect on where the conflict goes.
- Where patterns of sin are causing persistent problems, draw in the outside counsel of friends, pastors, etc. who can help you spot where chronic problems are occurring and provide accountability for responses of love.
. . . like this will not eliminate conflict. But they are biblically sound strategies for responding to the heat of our spouse’s sin in a way that doesn’t just increase the temperature or complicate the process of resolution. One thing I’ve learned, if I can avert a two-hour argument with two minutes of mercy, that’s a win for everybody involved. . .
But here are some questions I’ve learned to ask myself in the battle with self-righteousness:
- Am I self-confident that I see the supposed “facts” clearly?
- Am I quick to assign motives when I feel I’ve been wronged?
- Do I find it easy to build a case against someone that makes me seem right and him or her seem wrong?
- Do I ask questions with built-in assumptions I believe will be proven right? Or do I ask impartial questions—the kind that genuinely seek new information regardless of its implications for my preferred outcome?
- Am I overly concerned about who is to blame for something?
- Am I able to dismiss questions like these as irrelevant?"
Harvey, Dave (2010-12-01). When Sinners Say "I Do" (Kindle Locations 1166-1258). Shepherd Press. Kindle Edition.
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